Netflix
Review: Once Upon A Time (Season 1)
“Reviewing the top Netflix shows- that everyone has already seen.”
I wanted to hate it. I really did. A TV series about a bunch
of fairy-tale characters who were exiled to our world? Really?! I found myself
screaming at my iPad. Any more scenes of Ginnifer Goodwin running helpless as
Snow White or fluttering her eyelids at every given opportunity as Mary
Margaret, I was ready to eat the goddamn poisoned apple myself and be done with
it all.
So, basic plotline without ruining it for you all: a kid
named Henry (Jared S. Gilmore) appears at bail bonds collector Emma Swan’s door, revealing that he
is the son she gave up a decade ago. Henry goes off on one about
this delusional theory that everyone in the town Storybrooke (punny, I know)
where he lives, is a fairy-tale character who have been exiled to our world by
the evil queen (whom also happens to be Henry’s adoptive mother, goody for
him.) Only problem is, none of them remember who they used to be, and newcomer
Emma is the only one who can break the curse.
A plotline so obvious you could have written it yourself.
Cue flashbacks of their past lives in fairy-tale land, a bit
like Disney World but with significantly more greenery and not a Mickey Mouse
in sight, where everything is happy and jolly and there are happy endings for
everyone!
Or so we’re led to believe.
The appeal of Once Upon A Time is that it takes the fairy-tale
stories you think you know, and twist
them every which way, which is what the programme reminds you in the title
sequence of every single episode. Who
knew Jamie Dornan a lá Fifty Shades of Grey
popped in occasionally to play the Huntsman? Until he dies, which you know,
kind of ruins it for everyone (accidental spoiler alert.)
Apart from the lovely Mr Dornan, I found myself being drawn
to Jennifer Morrison (Emma Swan) and Lana Parrilla (Regina aka the Evil Queen.)
You can tell these are the two strong female leads, and frankly the best
actors. The vengeful feud between the two give some realistic relief from the
more fluffy fairy-tale sub plotlines, such as the will they/won’t they
relationship between Snow White/Mary Margaret (Goodwin) and Prince
Charming/James (Josh Dallas.) They do, in case you were wondering. (oops,
another spoiler- but you knew that already right?)
Other good actors include Robert Carlyle as Rumpelstiltskin
and Emilie de Ravin as Belle- (also in Remember
Me with Robert Pattinson? Anyone?)
What compelled me to keep watching was that there was always
a lot going on. You find out about the back stories of just about every fairy-tale
character going. It could all get very confusing, but it doesn’t- because
everything we get told links to the whole “curse” plotline somehow and it all
starts making sense come the finale.
The final episode is by far the best- the curse is broken
and everyone remembers that they used to be fairy-tale characters. Imagine that.
All is right in the world of Storybrooke again. Or so we think- because there’s
some mysterious purple substance engulfing the land and the Evil Queen is
looking all too delighted about the whole scenario.
Not the best cliff-hanger I’ve seen, but it’s definitely up
there (somewhere amongst the penultimate episode of Gossip Girl and the whodunit Christmas special of EastEnders)
I guess this magical series can be summed up in one very
beautifully crafted tweet by yours truly …”I wanted to hate Once Upon A Time so
badly but the finale was just too much- all the feels.”
All the feels indeed.
Rating: 4/5
Check back for another Netflix review of The 100 coming soon!
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As always, thank you for reading!
Love Georgia x
Review: Winter Fashion
You see it splashed across every woman’s magazine going,
telling us what’s hot and what’s not this winter. And like geese we all follow
suit and before you know it, we’re all walking around with paper bags on our
heads because it’s just très chic. So I’ve taken a few leaves out of the
fashion bibles of the world and reviewed them, rated them and test how likely
you actually are to wear that oversized fur coat down to the corner shop to get
some milk…
1.
Winter Prints
Seen at: Dries Van
Noten A/W 2014/5
In my ideal world, winter would be spent wrapped up in layer
upon layer of cable knit and strictly limited to black and burgundy colours.
But apparently, some people just aren’t ready to let summer go, with designer
and high street going for bold geometric and floral prints. According to Vogue
however, “winter print is different to summer print.” Well, who knew? How so,
we’ll never know, but I’m glad we got that all cleared up.
Rating: 3/5 In theory it seems like a good idea, but go
overboard and you’ll look like you’re jetting off on a Hawaiian holiday, even
if it is sub-zero outside.
 |
| Dries Van Noten |
 |
| Topshop: £45 |
2.
Power Dressing
Seen at: Victoria
Beckham
When I think of “Power Dressing,” I imagine I’m back in the
80s in an episode of Dynasty where
the shoulder pads are so large they could poke an eye out. The modern “Power
Dressing” stresses head to toe colour, tailored suits and boyish frames.
Perfect if you have a boyish frame like Miss Beckham, not so much if you’re not
a supermodel.
Rating: 2/5 Everyone would like to be able to strut into the
office in “power dress,” but the straight up and down tailoring makes it
difficult for most to pull it off! Also, shoulder pads should never ever be a thing.
 |
| Victoria Beckham |
 |
| Dorothy Perkins- £35 |
3.
Capes
Seen at: Burberry
Easily the star at the show at A/W fashion week- throw your
anoraks out, the cape is the new way to wrap up this season. Not to be mistaken
for the tasselled ponchos that were trendy once upon a time, capes are fun to
swish around and can even double up as a Halloween costume one year if you
decide to go as Superman. Not everyone can afford Burberry’s initialled version
a la Cara Delevigne, but this one from ASOS is a similar match for a (very large) fraction of the price.
Rating: 5/5 As fad winter trends go (because let’s face it,
it will be yesterday’s news come next year) this is by far my favourite. Fun,
stylish and goes with pretty much everything. Win.
 |
Burberry  |
4.
Boots
Seen at: Topshop Unique
Not just any boots, darling. We’re talking go gos, knee
highs and thigh highs, with out there designs and big, bold prints. Boots were
certainly made for walking, although at some of these designer prices, it might
be better off just keeping them in the box and admiring them from afar. Until
then, these Topshop boots, although not what I'd call "cheap," will gain you major style
points.
Rating: 4/5: You can never go wrong with a good pair of
boots, but I think I’ll stick to my trusty ankle boots and avoid the thigh
highs, thank you.
 |
| Topshop Unique: £195 |
5.
Army Chic
Seen at: Balmain
Attention! The army trend is making a comeback, and all the
models were covered in it at Balmain. Usual staple pieces such as parkas and
scarves branched out to dresses and tailored trousers.
Rating: 3/5: Although I’m a fan of the odd army chic staple
piece, I think you should avoid dressing head to toe in khaki green before they
actually start recruiting you for the army.
 |
| Balmain |
 |
| Topshop: £33 |
6.
Knitting Club
Seen at: Celine
Who doesn’t love a fluffy jumper at winter? No wardrobe
would be complete without one, and this year it appears there is no item of
clothing that cannot be woolly. Leggings, trousers, heck underwear- it’s all
about knit upon knit upon, well- knit.
Rating: 4/5: Cable, fluffy, eyelash, embellished, Christmas-
there’s not many jumpers I don’t own, but I draw the line at knitted leggings.
 |
Celine  |
Check back every fortnight for more random reviews than you
can shake a stick at.
Love Georgia x
p.s. Sorry I’ve been quiet for so long, I can confirm that I
am alive and have not fallen down a well. Expect more posts soon! Note to self,
must try harder.
X-Factor Review: S7,Ep1
Here we go again…
The new series of X-Factor kicked off on Saturday night and
this year was promised to be full of “sparks.” Unfortunately, the only sparks
that I could see were coming off Cheryl’s (Cole, Fernandez- Versini, Tweedy,
her off Girls Aloud? Please circle) hair if the stylists used any more
hairspray. That said, the judging panel certainly were interesting, mostly
because of the jealousy bubbling up between Mel B and Cheryl, equally
influential figures in the music industry. Mel B’s playground antics resembled
that of an attention seeking child when she yelled, “hello, I’m sitting right
here?” and “what am I, chopped liver?” every time Cheryl received male
attention.
I wouldn’t worry if I were her though- chopped liver is much
more pleasing to be around.
First up were annoying girl duo Blonde Electric, who reminded
me of Hannah Montana on acid. One Twitter user wrote: “Blonde Electric are
essentially Jedward with vaginas.” Says it all really.
There were noticeably many teeny boppers donning their
guitars and quiffs after the age limit was controversially lowered to 14-
because Simon Cowell is not content with just emotionally abusing adults. 15
year old Reece Bibby impressed the judges, particularly Cheryl who I was
convinced wanted to take him home with her and keep him as a pet. An offer
99.9% of the male population wouldn’t refuse.
14 year old Charlie Jones’ dream was to “have girls
screaming his name.” I’m not sure if that is ambitious or just plain stupid,
but it goes to show every 14 year old lad’s dream is to ultimately be a member
of One Direction.
Of course, someone had to cry- and there were certainly
tears shed in an X-Factor returnee’s audition- whose name I can’t remember, nor
can I be bothered to look up. I don’t know about you, but Cheryl’s pretend “surprised”
face was rather hysterical. “I know you!” she said, even though we all know the
producers had just prompted her. Please, if we don’t recognise her, Cheryl sure
as hell won’t.
Most ignorant auditionee goes to the man with the keyboard
and the false hope. He was disheartened that he had received four nos. “Do you
feel music, or is it just a mechanical business?” he questioned Cowell. Why,
yes actually, yes it is.
Next up was Chloe Jasmine, whom, whilst may be posh
certainly wasn’t convincing. It was as if the producers had asked her
beforehand to come up with the most stereotypically posh activities known to
man, like “croquet,” “polo,” and “gallery launches.” For all we know, the
producers could have taken her from a Bolton estate, dressed her up to the
nines, and given her a double barrelled first name because “that’s really posh
ya.”
The problem with X-Factor is that it’s become so predictable
that the audience may have well produced it themselves. I don’t even find the
comedy acts funny anymore, it’s just degrading. Yet people still tune in and
Cowell is still rolling in it. He’s obviously doing something right.
30th July, 2014
Film Review- Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Release Date: Thursday 17th July (Now Showing)
Running Time: Too long
Starring: Andy Serkis, Jason Clarke, Gary Oldman and a load of other people I've never heard of.
Sunshine Rating: **
“More Like Yawn of the Planet of the Apes”
During some films, you resist the urge to use the toilet in
case you miss something crucial. This is not one of those films. In fact, an
hour into it and you’ll be guzzling gallons of diet coke just to hope that
nature calls and you need to use the loo just to get away from this madness.
I could pretend I’m a film expert but I’d get caught out
within minutes. I have no idea who directed it (and for their sake, it should
probably stay that way) and I have no idea who any of the actors were. None.
Not even a moment of “wait, didn’t I see him in…?” Nope. Thus, anyone hoping to
see James Franco going in for round 2 is going to be bitterly disappointed.
I could give you a run down of the plot but I’m afraid I’ll
actually go bonkers if I have to relive the whole experience. Basically, man vs
ape- a tale as old as time. Man risks extinction, apes live in peace. Man kills
ape, ape kills man, and before you know it- shocker- a war breaks out. A plot
so dull and “been there done that” that you’ll think one of the apes actually
wrote it themselves.
On the subject of apes, there are a hell of a lot of them in
the film. So much so, there appears to be more apes than humans. I love CGI as
much as the next person, but I fear the SFX people may have got too computer
happy to the point where even my eight year old brother didn’t think the apes
were believable (in his words, they were “rubbish.”) Now, of course I know the
apes are not real dummy, but the CGI makes them so unreal that the thought of
apes attacking the humans whilst swinging their guns around makes you want to
laugh. If any of it were actually funny, which it isn’t.
If, after reading the above, you are still dying to go and
see this film, I would suggest seeing it an hour in- because the first hour
consists of apes talking- well, ape- and the creators have thoughtfully put
subtitles in so us simpletons can understand their complex language. If I
wanted to watch apes communicate with each other, I would have gone to the zoo.
It would have been bloody cheaper, I’ll tell you that. Granted, there is action
towards the end of this film- when Koba (the bad monkey) pops a bullet in the
two humans. Never have I been so happy to see two humans get shot by an ape.
Sadly however, this is left too late and you’ll no longer give two hoots what
happens in the ape vs. human saga.
In short, that’s one star for the action scenes and another star
for good effort.
Two hours of this rubbish and you’ll go absolutely bananas.
Lucky for all of us, due to the ambiguous ending of “the war is not over,
humans will not forgive,” I’m guessing there’s going to be a third film, which
will only go to prove what we already knew before. One, sequels are never as
good as the original (Toy Story 3 excluding) and two, the human race will die
out and we will all be taken over by talking apes. Obviously.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is in cinemas now- rated 12A (UK)
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