I am a student. I am one of many students, but I am a
student in your seminar group. As a student I am generally meant to complete
the work required and engage in discussion. As a teacher, you are meant to
respond to such hard work with either points for improvement or encouraging
gold stars.
I have been in the education system for a long time. I know
how it works, even if I am quite disappointed they don’t give out stickers for
hard work anymore.
In order for this relationship to be successful, we have to
fulfil both of our roles. After that, I can go out on a bender and you can
complain about me to your wife in front of Coronation
Street, whatever, who cares.
But this relationship is crumbling like my much thumbed
Dickens, who I don’t even like, by the way.
Recently, I’ve noticed certain
behaviours and body language, subtle things that are perhaps less noticeable
than a pin dropping. It may just be an eye roll, or a shaking of the head, it
is by no means obvious. But then again, I suppose institutional racism never
is.
Yes, I said the R word; which I know we don’t talk about in
our seminars unless in discussion of slavery obviously because that’s the only thing black people are worth
going down in history for.
Institutional racism is not a criticism of you as an
individual or anyone else for that matter, it is purely a collective societal
issue, so I’d like to clear that up before the university union jumps on me
about playing the “race card.” I try and
avoid using the terms “racism” or “prejudice” in my everyday life where their
usage is not warranted. I genuinely believe that the society in which we share
is overall a liberal and accepting one, so it’s taking an awful lot for me to
say this.
For a long while, I thought I was the problem; maybe the
points I made in seminars were redundant, or perhaps I didn’t articulate them
very well. I had started writing down my points before I said them aloud them, so
they were word perfect when I did. At best, you always challenge or ridicule my
points. I am used to this as a lot of people disagree with me. In fact, I’d
prefer it if you did disagree with me. Better that than the usual, when what I
say is not even deserving of a response from you. I’m sure you can understand
how discouraging this is for someone who is just trying to learn.
This would be fine if this was your general attitude to
teaching. I know a lot of teachers who go into the profession because they had
nothing better to do, and their parents would no longer support their “writing”
career. But you talk about teaching passionately, and most of my fellow
students get a “that’s a really well articulated point,” or even a “I’m not
sure I agree, but I’d love you to explain further,” even if that point is as
blatantly obvious as the sky being blue (which is a really deep and meaningful
metaphor, by the way.)
With all due respect, one student spends the entire seminar
duration on her phone, and every other word that comes out of another student’s
mouth is “like.” I’m starting to believe less and less that it is my academic
abilities are the problem here.
I understand I don’t look like your stereotypical English
Literature student. I have an unruly afro. I don’t have an affinity for A-line
dresses. I probably have more to say about Kanye West than I do about Robert
Browning. The demographics in my English Literature course are startlingly
disproportionate- most of them are white females. This is what you think of
when you think of a “good” English Literature student.
But I regret to inform you that I refuse to sit at the back
of the class and take prejudice anymore. I am sick of the mixed looks of
surprise and speechlessness when I actually made a half-arsed point; and then
disgust because I went against your expectations. I am exhausted of frankly,
having to work harder than most simply to break through the barrier of
prejudice that seems to keep erecting itself just when you think it has been
knocked down. I am bored of my opinion only mattering when it comes to issues
of race, because yeah, I was there, I must know all about the slave experience.
But I will thank you, and every other figure in a position
of authority that has treated me with such prejudicial discontent. In an ideal
world, we shouldn’t judge people by their appearance, or what we think we know
about them. We shouldn’t assume that Asians are only built to study maths or
economics, and we shouldn’t, even in our darkest prejudices, think that black
students; and other students of ethnic minorities, only got their place to fill
a diversity quota.
And I confess that I am writing this more quickly than I
wrote my essay for your module, but this is something that needs to be said- for
every student that has felt, and still feels, like old and tired stereotypes
are what’s stopping them from being themselves and achieving everything they
have potential to achieve and beyond. This is for every student who refuses to
let their societal identity define who they are and what they are capable of.
I am not a tickbox on a form. I am not your expectations.
But I truly hope that one day I’ll be able to prove you wrong.
So, I know I've been quieter than Lindsay Lohan's career, but I am back by popular demand. I've got a couple of exciting projects lined up for this old thing, so keep your eyes peeled. I'd like to say they are very carefully planned projects, but recently, I've realised planning in advance never works out. Thank you for reading and for keeping on reading, you guys are the best. x
