How To #15: How to (not) Fail Your Driving Test
Rather epically I might add. But of course, you don’t want to know how to fail like I did today. You want to pass with flying colours. So here are a couple of tips from a named and shamed driving test failure like myself.
1. It’s not that big a deal: Although the build up to it was more stressful than both years of my A-Levels combined, the test is actually not too bad and over before you know it. Don’t think of it as a test, just think of it as someone verifying that you are a super fab driver and should totes be allowed out on the open road.
2. Be Nice: Manners can get you everywhere. Although smiling sweetly if you accidently run over a small child won’t slide with the examiner, if you are nice and polite, they are more likely to forgive minor mistakes. This also goes for when you are debriefed- i.e. if they fail you, don’t shout abuse at them or indeed, slip them a couple of £20 notes in order for them to pretend they didn’t see you running that red light. Deal with your failure with composure and thank the examiner after the test ends, even if in your opinion, they were totally unfair.
3. Check your mirrors for Pete’s sake: Those mirrors on your car aren’t actually there for you to reapply your lipstick. Who Knew? Examiners are really picky about mirrors so it would be dumb to fail over something you could have easily prevented just by checking them every so often.
4. Don’t listen to other people’s horror stories: Most of the stories you hear are most probably hyped up. After all, the old “the examiner was totally horrible and unfair” excuse sounds better than “I forgot to stop at a zebra crossing and it was completely my fault” as it makes them sound like they are not to blame. You can share horror stories with people until you’re blue in the face, but it won’t prepare you for your own test, as it will be a unique experience to you.
5. Don’t Blub: No one will have sympathy with you, and it’s pretty embarrassing for you on top of failing your test.
6. Keep an eye on other road users: You see those moving things heading towards you? Yeah, they’re cars, which might as well be known as “death machines.” Therefore, it’s probably best that you don’t nearly crash into one and mumble a quick “sorry” to the examiner. Instant fail (case in point.)
7. Manoeuvres are overrated: All the examiners care about is that you don’t hit the kerb, end up on the other side of the road or indeed, back into a poor cyclist. If your parallel park ends up a bit skew-whiff, it doesn’t matter. Who parks perfectly anyway, right? That’s what valet is for.
8. Do I tell my parents now or wait until I get home: I’d wait till I got home. This gives you time to recover whilst not breaking down in hysterical tears. If you phone them and tell them you failed, this is often met with “no, you didn’t. You’re kidding with me aren’t you? You’re joking right?” By which point, you’ll want to disown your parents and move to a place where it is possible to travel everywhere via elephant.
9. Nothing is as bad as it seems: It’s a cliché but it’s true. At least I hope so. So stop that application for a life time bus pass and book yourself another test. You have to leave 10 days between your first test and the next one, but pick yourself up and dust yourself off. On the bright side, imagine how skinny you’ll be from walking around everywhere- win!
Some fast facts to make you feel better:
Ø A man from Stoke on Trent reportedly took his practical test 37 times. Therefore, you only have to be seriously worried when you reach test no. 36*
Ø The practical test has a pass rate of just 53.8%*
Ø The best drivers are those who pass the second time round (not a verified fact, but it made me feel better.)
Just Chill and drive safe, you’ll be great.
Love Georgia x
Don’t bog yourself down too much, but if you are still feeling anxious, this website has some tips:
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